unlimited potential Archives - Francine Kelley, LCPC, SEP, RYT500

What do you want?

This year has been the year of fabulous yoga training for me. In January I went to Tucson for the Level I training in Amy Weintraub’s LifeForce Yoga which specializes in yoga for managing anxiety and depression. The workshop was held at a Catholic retreat center high up on a mountain with a fabulous view of Tucson. We saw the sun rise every morning as we chanted the Gayatri mantra and on the last night were blessed with the rising of the full moon in all her luminous glory.

Even though I’m an island girl, the deserts of the Southwest are magical to me, and in Tucson the desert is dotted with majestic Saguaro cactuses, which at 6ft tall are over 100 years old! Suffice it to say the whole experience was transformative. It was a great opportunity to “get away” and be somewhere else – to slow the pace of life and have an opportunity to be in silence with myself when I wanted, but also to be in joyful communion with others.

One of the things that Amy taught at the workshop was sankalpa. A sankalpa is an intention. You can create an intention for your class, for your day, for your stage of life. You come into this life with a sankalpa – your life purpose. Your sankalpa is essentially what you want to manifest. But most often, when we are asked what we want, we respond by highlighting we don’t want! For example: “I want to not be so stressed,” or “I want to stop being so disorganized.” We tend to focus on what we don’t want, rather than clarifying what it is we want to manifest. In a way, it can be scary to imagine what you do want – what if you don’t believe you deserve it? Or what if the current circumstances of your life don’t seem conducive to your dream manifesting itself? Some of us were taught not to hope for too much, so we don’t end up disappointed. Kriyanandaji, the head of the Temple of Kriya Yoga, often repeats the phrase: Aham Brahmasmi. He translates this to mean: “I am the creative principle.” In other words, I have the power to create my life. If you have the power to create your life, then why not direct your energies toward what you want, rather than what you don’t want?

So, what do you want? Amy recommends that you bring your sankalpa into the present: “Peace flows through me now.” I’ve spent a lot of my life being tired and focusing on how I don’t want to be tired anymore. So instead I created the sankalpa: “Good health and vitality flow through me now.” Guess what? When I say it I feel better, clearer, more energized, and a smile comes to my face! Of course just stating an intention starts the energy flowing, but you must follow intention with action to manifest your heart’s desire. It is also beneficial to courageously, mindfully and gently excavate the underlying subconscious beliefs that might be sabotaging your best efforts.

The second fabulous teaching was last weekend right here in Downer’s Grove. Rod Stryker also taught about sankalpa and he mentioned another term that I wasn’t familiar with until recently: vikapla. Rod described sankalpa as the intention linked to your heart – that which you want, your reason for being – and vikalpa as that belief or desire which separates you from your purpose. Whichever one of these is strongest determines your destiny. A lack of fulfillment in life, Rod taught, is based on not living your purpose. And if you’re not living your purpose, it might mean that your vikalpa is stronger than your sankalpa in terms of your desire for it to manifest.

I think we all get glimpses of our vikalpa. You might feel yourself recoil when presented with a fabulous opportunity and then notice yourself coming up with reasons why it’s not the right thing or why you can’t do it. Or you might start to clarify your sankalpa and find that your mind comes up with all kinds of reasons why it can’t happen. Mindfulness helps us to notice these moments and look at them clearly, examining our deeper motivations, rather than running away. What is manifesting in your life right now? What might be the underlying belief or desire that has brought these circumstances into being? (Rod Stryker has a book about these teachings coming out in a few months. If you read it before I do, let me know what you think…)

So in two separate trainings this year already, I’ve been presented with the teaching on sankalpa. Maybe its time to really get clear. What do I want and do I dare to dream that the desire of my heart could become the life of my dreams? I’ve seen plenty of evidence so far that your entire life can shift based on the strength of your desire. If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d be a yoga instructor, energy worker and therapist I would have laughed. I was a committed database manager with a love of logic, data and computers. I promise you that life can change in a heartbeat. Aham brahmasmi – you are the creative principle. The first step to putting that power to work is to get clear on what you want.

If you embark on this exploration, I’d love to hear about your sankalpa!

Namaste!

Loving Support

I just completed a wonderful 4-week meditation workshop, and in their feedback the participants mentioned how good it was to be able to share the journey into meditation with others who were understanding, kind and supportive. Even in such a short time, (an hour and a half once per week for four weeks), there was a sense of community and shared intention that provided support for all those who were in it. Meditation in many ways is a seeking into oneself, and yet this inner seeking is easier to do with the support of others.

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about this sense of community and how we connect and separate ourselves from each other. From a yogic point of view, the sense of an individual self is an illusion. “No man is an island” was an old tune I used to hear my parents listen to as a child. “No man is an island, no man stands alone. Each man’s joy is joy to me, each man’s grief is my own. We need one another, so I will defend each man as my brother, each man as my friend.” (Of course as a kid I wondered “what about the women?” but in the interest of the deeper meaning, we’ll let that pass for now!)

All the world religions teach that we should care for our fellow human. Yet watching the political news over the last few years, it has become so evident that we don’t, as a culture, live by that maxim. In fact, our culture seems to be becoming more and more polarized into “us” and “them” and all based on ideas, thoughts and opinions, and the fear of these being somehow threatened and destroyed. We identify with these opinions and beliefs and therefore when they are threatened, it is perceived as a threat to our very identity.

Even as yogis we are not immune from “separation-thinking.” How often do yoga practitioners defend their chosen style of yoga as “better” or “more effective” than another? Whenever we identify with a practice, an idea, or a way of being (what the yogis call ahamkara), we run the risk of thinking that we are that. What follows is the assumption that “I am right” from which the logical premise that seems to follow is “they are wrong.” Yet with billions of people on the planet, all with their own collection of interests, constitutional predispositions and life experiences, how is it possible that there could only be one way for us all to be, think or believe?

From a yogic perspective, we are not separate – we are manifestations of the same stuff – awareness, life force, whatever you choose to call it – we are manifestations of the substance of life which is One and yet each of us is a unique expression of that One. Goswami Kriyandanda describes each person as a microcosm of the whole. Just imagine – you are a hologram of the whole Universe!

We are all the same stuff – just packaged in a different way, yet we spend so much time, energy and effort feeding the illusion of our separateness – this sense of “I, me and mine” that yogis call asmita. The thing about feeding our sense of separation is that it also creates a sense of isolation and brings very little satisfaction. When we build walls to keep ourselves, our opinions and our beliefs protected and safe, those walls also keep others out. Those walls prevent us from hearing other people, from having sympathy and understanding, from recognizing in “others” not only our own brilliance, but also our own shadow. And if we are too afraid or too ashamed to see ourselves clearly, we run the risk of projecting our own disfunction on to others and condemning them for it. On the other hand, if we are able to really see ourselves with compassion, and even with humor, we can begin to free ourselves and to break down the walls that separate us from each other.

I remember the first time, as a teenager, that I realized that I wasn’t the only one with a particular trait of which I had been ashamed. I had perceived this trait (can’t even remember what it was now) as a personal failing and when I found out someone else had it too, it was amazing! I remember the sense of relief and freedom when I realized I was “only human.” I could let go of that burden and stop blaming myself for not being perfect. Being in a supportive community provides the opportunity to see yourself in others and be accepted as you are. But you can do that for yourself and for others at any time if you think of all of humanity (and even all sentient beings) as your “community.” Meditation is one way practice seeing yourself with gentleness and compassion, accepting yourself as you are – hang-ups, past life history, neurosis, judgments, opinions and all. It all begins with the choice to accept ourselves as we are, with love & a healthy dose of light-heartedness. Then we can create and/or find supportive communities where we can share this loving acceptance with others.

What if we were to just expect loving support from our communities and especially from ourselves? I wonder what would happen then?

In loving acceptance of you, just as you are…

Namaste.

Unlimited potential

Are there limits to your perception? How big do you imagine the Universe to be? How far does your energy field go? Where do you end and the space around you begin?

My husband and I have an ongoing discussion/debate about the limits of human potential. I don’t think that there are any limits. He thinks there are things humans just weren’t designed to ever be able to do. Maybe I’m just opinionated (an existential hazard of being born with 4+ planets in Aries) but I really believe that as humans we are only limited by our perceptions of what is possible.

Think of all the inventions of the last century. I was explaining to my 5-year-old daughter tonight that my grandmother Mary, born in 1900, didn’t have television as a child – and read books by lamp light. And when I was my daughter’s age, TV (in Jamaica) was in black and white! She could hardly imagine such a horror! Technology has shifted what we believe to be possible. And I would argue that our belief in what is possible has accelerated the phenomenal technological and consciousness shifts of the last century. Because of technology my dad survived a heart attack 8 years ago that would certainly have killed him 50 years ago. Because of technology we also know immediately when tragedy has occurred anywhere in the world and we can rush to help relieve suffering.

As technology has supported our belief in what is possible we have dared to dream bigger dreams. And because we are human these dreams of course have been fueled not just by our altruism and generosity, but also by our fear and our greed. And so even as some people dream big dreams, others are afraid that these dreams will destroy us. We live in fragile human bodies – the identification with which leads us to be afraid of death. This fear of death, the yogis say, is one of the things that binds us to suffering. (It also keeps the majority of us from jumping in front of moving trucks!) This fear of death (or of annihilation – or non-being) also seems to underlie much of our resistance to life – what I would describe as contraction.

One of my first experiences with Reconnective Healing was through a process called The Reconnection. This axiatonal realignment process is designed to reconnect us with our true potential. During this 2-day process I had the realization that I was participating in something much larger than myself that was happening all across the planet and directly impacting human evolution. It was amazing to me – mind-opening in fact. It was so amazing that it scared me silly. I felt that I was on the edge of a precipice – that I had been brought to the edge of the Void and my next step was to jump in – to something I didn’t and would never fully understand – at least not with my mind. In the Reconnective Healing training I asked Eric Pearl about it and he said “Isn’t it exciting?!” Exciting? Heck no! It was terrifying!

In the years since my Reconnection I’ve come to some realizations that my mind still has some trouble wrapping its mind around. I’ve come to accept that the Void is everything. There wasn’t anywhere for me to jump because I was already here. What was missing was my perception. The Void is awareness and awareness is all that we are. Some of us have amazing experiences of it, others more subtle realizations. But whether we are aware of awareness or not, it is the ‘substance’ of which we are made. Each of us is all that is – “the world in a grain of sand.” This is why I believe in the immense potential of humankind – if we choose to embrace it. It’s not an imperative in my mind – it won’t make us better humans than we are now – but I think it would be really, really fun! I also think our expansion into this understanding is happening whether we like it or not. We can be immensely joyful and compassionate, or we can be immensely selfish and greedy. Through it all we are being – whichever choices we make, wherever we go, whatever we do. We are the Void – nothing and everything. Immense, unlimited potential.

In this Universe, as we experience it, is the potential for contraction or expansion. So as we approach the dawn of a new year, the question arises – how expansive can you allow your perception to be? As you imagine the vastness of our human potential, does contraction eventually kick in? What form does it take? Is it fear, is it a belief system or an adopted “truth?” Is it a sense of how things can’t be or should be? Is it sadness for the way things are? So, what if you could open to let even your contraction be expansive? In other words, what if you could just allow it to be okay to have all those thoughts and welcome them into this sense of expansion or possibility? Then how much could you allow your heart or your joy to expand? And in the midst of all of this, how much could you love yourself, just as you are – contraction, expansion, resistance and all?

To quote Blake (don’t be impressed, this was my first time actually reading the poem! These lines actually stopped my breath for a second):

To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.

You are the world in a grain of sand – all the Universes in one human body. What could be impossible?

Have a blessed, expansive, loving, joyful, perfect-as-you-are New Year!!

See you on the other side…

Fear as opportunity

After the last blog entry I had a question from someone I love dearly that touched me deeply. To paraphrase her question: What if when you start to bring your fears to the surface it seems that there is nothing but more and more fear, and you realize that you’re living your entire life from a place of fear?

I wish I had a quick and easy answer to that question, but fear is such a huge issue. One thought that kept coming up for me was the judgment of fear as being pathological. I was reminded of this by a comment to my last post. Rather than being a black hole of despair, the recognition of fear can be an opening into a place of seemingly deep mystery – your own mind, heart and soul. It can be opportunity to see the ways we have taken on other people’s ideals and judgments and made them our own without questioning their validity. Recognition of fear gives the opportunity to question the fears themselves and chose whether to continue to live with them, or just let them be. It gives us the opportunity to love & be compassionate toward ourselves because we are fearful, not in spite of it. At the same time we are able to cultivate compassion for all those in the world who also feel overwhelmed by fear. And rather than becoming caught in our fear, we can recognize it as part of the tapestry of life that also includes success, joy, courage, compassion, love and expansiveness.

Of course frightening things do happen and fear arises as a natural response. Many people – maybe even a neighbor or a friend – live with a real threat of physical harm, sometimes from the very people who are supposed to care for them. For them, vigilance is necessary until a safer environment is possible. Recognizing our own fear and feeling compassion for the fear of others we might see opportunities to help those who suffer from the constant threat of physical harm. From the yogic perspective, the body is not the totality of who we are, and its destruction does not mean our annihilation. But even from this perspective, death or harm of the physical body is one of the last & most difficult fears to be released – and for the sake of human survival, I’d say thankfully so.

For many of us who have the blessing of living in physically safe circumstances, however, this fear of harm still exists – though perhaps on an unconscious level. Often, regardless of contradictory evidence, there is the fear that we are unable to handle life’s challenges as they arise. At a deep level there is the fear that the threat will lead to death of some kind: “Oh my God, if that happened, I’d just die!” or “It would kill me to not get everything done.” Though we might express it casually in words, this is often not a conscious fear, and yogis would say that what is actually threatened is the “I” or the “ego” – our own perception of who we are, or how we think other people see us: If I don’t succeed, other people will think I’m a failure – or even worse, I might think that of myself; if I loose this job, maybe I’m not good enough to get another one; if I let go of blaming someone else for my fears, I’ll have to take responsibility for my life…

Years ago I got really tired of being afraid all the time. I was tired of always feeling powerless in the face of life’s challenges. Though fear or itself isn’t “bad,” I doubt anyone would claim it as their favorite emotion! Living from a place of fear can feel like being in prison, knowing you have the key, but still unable to leave. So I sat down and made a list of all my fears and prioritized the list based on level of difficulty. Just the act of naming the fears and making the choice to do something about them diffused some of their power over me. Putting them on paper gave me a chance to question their validity. Deciding to be rid of them offered the possibility that they could be temporary.

Yoga and meditation continue to help with this effort. Strengthening my body, working with the chakras, noticing the ways that I hold fear in my body and learning tools to work with this held energy have also been very helpful. Meditation helped me recognize the difference between presence and avoidance and acknowledge the fleeting nature of emotions. It has also helped to cultivate a witness consciousness – the willingness to view the rise and fall of emotions from a place of stillness and choose whether to stay “caught up” in them or let them go.

I believe that once you decide to go on an adventure like this, the Universe (God, Source, Higher Self, whatever words you use) supports your intention and the help comes in ways you might not have expected – a chance word, an article in the paper, a book suggestion from a friend or an ad that jumps off the page. Of course it takes courage to acknowledge your fears, and sometimes your hands will shake and your heart will pound as you decide to “just do it.” Fear arises, but since we’re here (on the planet in these bodies), why not explore the possibility that just as a smile passes, fears could pass too – if we let them?

May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you live with ease.

Bringing the shadows into the light

I’ve been scared of the dark ever since I was a child. As an adult I used to be embarrassed to talk about it – a childhood fear that should have long been overcome. Yet, bringing this fear into the open was less embarrassing that I thought – actually nobody seemed to really care. Exposing the fear to the light of day also gave me a chance to explore it rather than hiding it away. What I discovered was that I actually wasn’t afraid of the darkness itself, but of what might be lurking in it. I imagined strange and threatening creatures – monsters against whom I would be powerless. Discussing this fear with others and working on it through various means I’ve come to realize that the shadow, the demon that I was most afraid of discovering in the dark, was myself.

I was gifted recently with a link to a wonderful excerpt from Osho (The Spiritually Incorrect Mystic) called Greatest Fear of All. Osho’s words always stir up for me some uncomfortable but simple truth. In this excerpt he says: “The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others. And the moment you are unafraid of the crowd you are no longer a sheep, you become a lion. A great roar arises in your heart, the roar of freedom. Buddha has actually called it the lion’s roar. When a man reaches an absolutely silent state he roars like a lion.”

As I read the article I began to wonder. What is it that we’re really afraid of? Through my own work and working with others, it’s clear to me that there is always the deeper fear beneath the one we’re willing to admit to. I wondered – is it that we actually fear discovering our own selves?

Sakyong Mipham pointed out in “Turning the Mind Into an Ally” that we spend most of our time thinking about ourselves. Yet the thoughts we’re thinking about ourselves are not usually compassionate, complimentary or generous. Even the habitual ways we react to our own behavior can be so hateful. We get into the habit of scolding ourselves for minor ‘failures.’ Off-handed statements like “I’m such an idiot” or “I’m such a clutz” become unconscious habits that create impressions in the shadows of our minds. Then in our interactions with others, a fear arises. Maybe on some level we know the imprint is there, and maybe we’re afraid that it will be brought into the light of day and confirmed as truth. Maybe our greatest fear is actually of meeting ourselves and not liking who we are.

But what if meeting yourself could be liberating instead of terrifying? In yoga we frequently talk about samskaras – latent impressions that influence the way we think and behave. It is sometimes described like spinning on a wheel – you can’t get off the wheel because you’re controlled by these unconscious impressions. So you relive the same story over and over again, not knowing how to change it. And still these impressions, these habits are constantly being reinforced through lack of mindful awareness and, I think, through the fear of seeing ourselves clearly. To get off the wheel we have to see these habits for what they are – our own shadows in the darkness. Brought to the light of day they have very little substance. Left in the darkness they are monsters keeping us on the wheel and away from a full appreciation of ourselves.