somatic awareness Archives - Francine Kelley, LCPC, SEP, RYT500

I laugh on my yoga mat. (Really, I do!)

Do not kill the instinct of the body for the glory of the pose. Do not look at your body like a stranger but adopt a friendly approach towards it. Watch it, listen to it, observe its needs, its requests, and even have fun. To be sensitive is to be alive…

To twist, stretch, and move around, is pleasant and enjoyable, a body holiday.

There is an unexpected delight in meeting earth and sky at the same moment!

-Vanda Scaravelli in Awakening the Spine

My last post described yoga as a feeling practice. When I read this quote by Vanda Scaravelli many years ago it resonated deeply, and I began to explore the idea of the practice being “an unexpected delight.” The result is that my yoga mat has become a really fun place to be. A place to be tired and energized; a place to be terrified and gleeful; a place to struggle and a place to find ease; a place to laugh.

Peter Levine, who developed Somatic Experiencing, says you can’t be curious and traumatized at the same time. And what is that if not the yogic principle of self-study (svadhyaya) combined with santosha (being with what is)? So for me, engaging curiosity on the mat has meant noticing what feels freeing and what feels constricting. The magic unfolds on my mat as I get curious about what feels right versus what is an imposed should – an external idea of how my body should be. Where is the prana (life energy) moving freely, where is it not, and how can I allow it to be free?

Every summer, in Chicago, I teach yoga to girls from West Africa who are in the US as part of Expanding Lives, an amazing leadership and empowerment program for young women. The girls have a blast on their yoga mats. They groan and exclaim when a pose is hard, they sigh and smile when it feels good, they bliss out when we’re “just breathing.” They have no sense that they should be serious and self-contained, so they just experience the practice.

When I started letting go of the shoulds on my mat, I began to also experience my practice as fun! Instead of struggling to make a difficult pose “right,” I decided to get curious and relax, and often the pose would feel better and a smile would spontaneously emerge. Eventually I chose to smile rather than struggle, and before I knew it I was laughing from the sheer joy of moving my body in space (or even just holding still).

Sometimes I laugh because it’s hard! It’s exhilarating to be able to hold a pose until my muscles shake and my heart beats fast – listening for when my body says “Ok my dear, that’s quite enough.” My heart delights at the lyricism of a slow vinyasa. It’s fun to fall out of a balance pose, giggling like I did as a kid. It’s exquisite sensory bliss to lay in savasana (the rest pose at the end of class) with yoni mudra (a hand position) over my navel and feel prana move.

The body is a sensory instrument. How much we miss when we don’t befriend it.

I do have to admit it’s a bit of a challenge in group classes – I have to giggle softly to myself or risk disturbing the class. I’m told I have a particular way of laughing, so busting out in class the way I do sometimes on my mat at home might not be appreciated. I’m not suggesting we turn group classes into a free-for-all, but this holiday season, I wish for you that your practice can be a “body holiday.”

Do you laugh on your yoga mat?

Namaste.

The Trauma Brain Project

I recently had the honor of being on a panel of body-centered therapists following the reading of a play by Dayle Ann Hunt titled The Trauma Brain Project.

This play is powerful, moving, intense. It is the story of a woman’s journey to heal from the repressed memories of early childhood sexual abuse. Dayle takes us on this journey of her own life experience as someone who was diagnosed with Epilepsy as a child, who was also experiencing paralyzing migraines, unexplained nausea, psoriasis, sinus growths and a string of inexplicable conditions that followed her throughout her life; all of which led her (in her 50s) to shadowed memories of what had happened and to eventual healing with somatic therapy.

The cast is amazing. The direction is expert. We the audience were riveted for the duration of the piece.

This play is a must-see for anyone who works with diagnosing illness. Dayle Ann is passionate about medical professionals, therapists, and trauma survivors knowing that their symptoms may be trauma-related. The body and mind do actually influence each other.

If you’re interested in this topic and have any ideas on how this play can be more widely disseminated, please contact D
ayle Ann at www.thetraumabrainproject.com

After the play I led the audience through a few basic exercises to help with regulation since watching anything traumatic can have an impact on our bodies. And it struck home to me again tonight that we are being inundated daily with news of traumatic events. This doesn’t mean we are all traumatized by this, but we are more than likely affected. So I thought I’d quickly share one of the techniques that I shared with the audience in the hopes that you might be able to use it in your day-to-day. It’s called 3-2-1

Look around and notice and briefly describe (e.g. “orange mouse pad”) three (3) things you see
Now listen and name two (2) sounds you hear
And now notice one (1) thing you’re feeling with your sense of touch.

How are you feeling now? You can repeat that sequence one more time if you’re feeling a little more focused or settled than you were before you started.

Namaste.

We already have Peace on Earth

In my yoga classes and with therapy clients and meditation students, I often lead a mindfulness exercise where we notice discomfort or tension in the body and then also notice where there is ease, relaxation or comfort. It usually comes as a surprise that both tension and ease can exist in the body at the same time – what you experience is determined by where you place your focus. This works the same with emotions – we can have multiple seemingly opposite and often conflicting emotions happening at the same time. What you experience is determined by where you choose to focus.

This all might come as news to some of us. Yes, we have multiple emotions and sensory experiences happening at once, but we usually only focus on one – and usually it’s the more challenging or unpleasant one. The idea that I could change my experience based on what I focus on actually irritated me when I first heard it because it seemed to be saying that I should ignore the feelings I was having. Actually, rather than ignoring what you’re feeling, the ability to notice what else you’re feeling can open up a wider range of experiences and possibilities. The more we notice, the more the experience expands. For example, noticing that there is also comfort or ease in the body often has the effect of alleviating some of the tension!

I led this exercise for a group yesterday, and then this morning in my meditation I had a thought: Maybe what we need to do is not keep working for Peace on Earth as some future ideal that seems only vaguely possible. Maybe what we actually need to do is to open to the Peace that is actually already on Earth. Noticing the softness of your breath, the gentleness of the wind, the smile and coos of a baby, the stillness or soft movement of the lake, the softness of a loved-one’s embrace, the gentle falling of the snow or grass swaying in the breeze, the moments of quiet. Accessing the feeling of peace in your body – the felt experience of peace – you can perhaps also begin to experience this even in the midst of chaos. You can begin to notice the peace of the Earth underneath us and the peace in the air all around us – even when there is also anxiety and hurry and fear. The more we can notice the Peace that is already here, the more it can expand.

This holiday season, may you experience the Peace that is already here on Earth.

Namste!

Women’s Pelvic Health: If it’s in your body, it’s not “all in your head”

Warning: This post contains discussions of “girl stuff.” You’ve been warned!

I was teaching a Yoga for Women’s Pelvic Health workshop this weekend and that always gets me on my soap-box. One of the things pelvic health educators encourage women to do is talk to each other about their pelvic health issues. So now I’m bringing the soap box to this blog! Self-disclosure is always a little risky, but I think it’s worth it if I can help just one person to realize she’s not alone. There’s so much suffering we deal with silently & alone as women that doesn’t need to be.

About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with a pelvic pain disorder. I got lucky because my nurse practitioner at the time was up to date on her female pelvic health and diagnosed me right away. That was as far as it went, however, because there was no known cause, no treatment, no cure. I say that I got lucky because many women with pelvic disorders spend a lot of time going from doctor to doctor being told “It’s all in your head” as if mental/emotional issues that may in fact be affecting their physiology aren’t “real.” The fallout of that attitude is that sometimes these issues, which can be contributing factors in pelvic pain, are rejected in favor of finding a “valid” physiological cause.

The ancient yogis knew that the mind and body aren’t separate. It’s not likely that you’ve taken your body anywhere recently and left your mind behind. (Okay, I know some people will try to argue that point!). It’s often stated in body-centered psychotherapy circles that “every thought has a corresponding sensation.” I was one of the speakers at a recent seminar on Pelvic & Abdominal Health and Trauma sponsored by Rush University Medical Center’s Program for Abdominal and Pelvic Health. It was thrilling to hear physicians acknowledge the ways traumatic life experiences can affect the body and advocate for a multi-modal approach to pelvic healthcare that includes addressing psychological factors. Times are a-changin’!

From the yogic perspective, the first chakra at the base of the pelvis develops during the 1^st year of life, and affects our sense of safety and our ability to really be present in the world. The second chakra at the pubic bone develops between 6 -18months and affects creativity and sexuality. The 3^rd chakra at the solar plexus develops between 18 months and 4 years and affects our self-esteem & sense of our own power. In a culture where women are objectified, sexualized, shamed and encouraged to be less than we are, is it surprising that we might experience dysfunction in these areas? According to oneinfour.com, 1 in 4 college women report experiencing some kind of sexual assault since age 14. So that number doesn’t includes girls assaulted/abused before age 14. According to webmd, “Doctors don’t really understand all the things that can cause chronic pelvic pain. So sometimes, even with a lot of testing, the cause remains a mystery.” Hmmm.

Many women are hypertonic in the pelvic floor – muscles gripping too tightly. I call it “holding on for dear life.” This could happen as the result of sexual trauma but not necessarily so. Bodies develop habits because they seem to work. Tightening the pelvic floor may give a sense of control or safety that works for the short term but becomes problematic over the long term. Some women are hypotonic – not enough strength in the muscles at the base of the body. Usually there is a lack of awareness and either state represents a weak base of support. Strengthening, stretching & relaxing the muscles of the pelvis (including the “core” transversus abdominis muscles and the pelvic floor muscles) can have a definite impact on one’s ability to feel grounded, optimistic, creative and confident.

There’s a fabulous book called The V Book that is subtitled “Your private parts shouldn’t be private to you.” We could take some of the mystery out of our own pelvic health as women just by becoming more aware. There’s another great book called “The Female Pelvis” that gives lots of exercises for developing awareness.

Overcoming vulvodynia and dealing with issues during pregnancy & delivery through mindfulness, yoga and physical therapy helped me realize that I’m one of those hypertonic folks. Somewhere in life my body figured out that when the going gets tough it’s time to hold on for dear life. Now that I’m aware of the habit, I can consciously relax muscles that shouldn’t be chronically tense. Is that “all in my head?” Um… No. It’s definitely in my body too. Mind/body connection? I’d say so.

For more information on women’s pelvic health check out: Women’s Health Foundation, Rush University Program for Abdominal and Pelvic Health

For more information on yoga for pelvic health check out: Leslie Howard

For female-centered affordable gynecological & mental health care check out: Chicago Women’s Health Center

Pain happens

Hello again! Long time no post. There have been lots of changes happening for me recently, and for many people this is a time of change and transition. Just since this summer 4 people I know have moved out of Chicago with their families. A quick glance at the news will reveal that this is indeed a transformative time for humanity as a whole.

Change can be exciting and it can be challenging. In fact any process of transformation can involve both of those states – and sometimes both at once!

As humans we are often surprised when change happens, and when it is difficult. There is a mistaken notion that if we shouldn’t have to feel pain or discomfort supported by advertising and the media. Yet by virtue of being human, pain (in all its varying degrees) is an inevitable part of our experience. Sometimes the pain is emotional and sometimes it is physical. Either type becomes suffering through our reaction to it. When we resist, deny or reject difficult experiences, they tend to magnify – the pain insists on being felt.

One of the biggest sources of pain, I think, is this idea that what we are experiencing “should not be.” We use a lot of energy resisting what is already here. So, what is the solution? One of my favorite yoga teachers, Roger Eischens used to say “It is what it is.” I heard this phrase from him when he was dealing with the brain cancer that eventually caused his death. That simple phrase has saved me a lot of emotional wrangling. When I feel myself getting caught up in the debate of “this shouldn’t be happening to me” I hear Roger’s voice “It is what it is” and I surrender to the fact of the matter. Marsha Linnehan, who developed Dialectical Behavior Therapy while working with severely suicidal patients describes the concept of “Radical Acceptance” – essentially a letting go of resistance to the truth of what is here.

A great deal of anxiety and stress can be released through this process of accepting what is. This doesn’t imply approval or complacency, but a simple act of acknowledging and letting go of resistance to the moment. I sense this as a physical shift – a visceral “letting go” of inner tension that I usually didn’t even realize I was holding. A spontaneous full breath usually follows. Sometimes I have to remind myself to do this multiple times as the tension creeps up again. And sometimes what is here really hurts and I get to feel the hurt without all the added tension created by the thought that the hurt shouldn’t be here. This process can take a long time, depending on the situation, and in those times, I try to notice the degrees of pain – acknowledging moments of relief – or moments of “less than” the pain or difficulty that was here before. By being willing to be with what is, I get back into the flow of life and inevitably, the hurt moves through and I come out on the other side.

What do you want?

This year has been the year of fabulous yoga training for me. In January I went to Tucson for the Level I training in Amy Weintraub’s LifeForce Yoga which specializes in yoga for managing anxiety and depression. The workshop was held at a Catholic retreat center high up on a mountain with a fabulous view of Tucson. We saw the sun rise every morning as we chanted the Gayatri mantra and on the last night were blessed with the rising of the full moon in all her luminous glory.

Even though I’m an island girl, the deserts of the Southwest are magical to me, and in Tucson the desert is dotted with majestic Saguaro cactuses, which at 6ft tall are over 100 years old! Suffice it to say the whole experience was transformative. It was a great opportunity to “get away” and be somewhere else – to slow the pace of life and have an opportunity to be in silence with myself when I wanted, but also to be in joyful communion with others.

One of the things that Amy taught at the workshop was sankalpa. A sankalpa is an intention. You can create an intention for your class, for your day, for your stage of life. You come into this life with a sankalpa – your life purpose. Your sankalpa is essentially what you want to manifest. But most often, when we are asked what we want, we respond by highlighting we don’t want! For example: “I want to not be so stressed,” or “I want to stop being so disorganized.” We tend to focus on what we don’t want, rather than clarifying what it is we want to manifest. In a way, it can be scary to imagine what you do want – what if you don’t believe you deserve it? Or what if the current circumstances of your life don’t seem conducive to your dream manifesting itself? Some of us were taught not to hope for too much, so we don’t end up disappointed. Kriyanandaji, the head of the Temple of Kriya Yoga, often repeats the phrase: Aham Brahmasmi. He translates this to mean: “I am the creative principle.” In other words, I have the power to create my life. If you have the power to create your life, then why not direct your energies toward what you want, rather than what you don’t want?

So, what do you want? Amy recommends that you bring your sankalpa into the present: “Peace flows through me now.” I’ve spent a lot of my life being tired and focusing on how I don’t want to be tired anymore. So instead I created the sankalpa: “Good health and vitality flow through me now.” Guess what? When I say it I feel better, clearer, more energized, and a smile comes to my face! Of course just stating an intention starts the energy flowing, but you must follow intention with action to manifest your heart’s desire. It is also beneficial to courageously, mindfully and gently excavate the underlying subconscious beliefs that might be sabotaging your best efforts.

The second fabulous teaching was last weekend right here in Downer’s Grove. Rod Stryker also taught about sankalpa and he mentioned another term that I wasn’t familiar with until recently: vikapla. Rod described sankalpa as the intention linked to your heart – that which you want, your reason for being – and vikalpa as that belief or desire which separates you from your purpose. Whichever one of these is strongest determines your destiny. A lack of fulfillment in life, Rod taught, is based on not living your purpose. And if you’re not living your purpose, it might mean that your vikalpa is stronger than your sankalpa in terms of your desire for it to manifest.

I think we all get glimpses of our vikalpa. You might feel yourself recoil when presented with a fabulous opportunity and then notice yourself coming up with reasons why it’s not the right thing or why you can’t do it. Or you might start to clarify your sankalpa and find that your mind comes up with all kinds of reasons why it can’t happen. Mindfulness helps us to notice these moments and look at them clearly, examining our deeper motivations, rather than running away. What is manifesting in your life right now? What might be the underlying belief or desire that has brought these circumstances into being? (Rod Stryker has a book about these teachings coming out in a few months. If you read it before I do, let me know what you think…)

So in two separate trainings this year already, I’ve been presented with the teaching on sankalpa. Maybe its time to really get clear. What do I want and do I dare to dream that the desire of my heart could become the life of my dreams? I’ve seen plenty of evidence so far that your entire life can shift based on the strength of your desire. If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d be a yoga instructor, energy worker and therapist I would have laughed. I was a committed database manager with a love of logic, data and computers. I promise you that life can change in a heartbeat. Aham brahmasmi – you are the creative principle. The first step to putting that power to work is to get clear on what you want.

If you embark on this exploration, I’d love to hear about your sankalpa!

Namaste!

Like falling snow…

I was watching the snow falling last week and was struck by its silence and gentleness. I remembered having the same impression watching a snow storm in New York in 1996 that practically shut the city down. Last week I was struck again by how this gently falling snow, so silent and light, could have such huge effects and how force is often not necessary to make a big change. In fact, as humans we often use much more force than is necessary, since we’ve come to believe that strenuous effort, even struggle, is necessary to get results.

As I watched the snow last week, I also recognized the effect of the falling snow on my body and my psyche. There is a spacious, expansive quality to falling snow – the snowflakes suspended in the air as they gently float to the ground. There is freedom in their surrender, and as I watched I could feel expansiveness, silence, and a sense of surrender. Something inside me settled and I felt lighter and more at ease.

Nature reflects the qualities that also exist in us – since we are Nature as well. As Nature hibernates and moves into low gear, might we also be encouraged to find time for stillness and quiet? Like the quality of the falling snow, perhaps we might take time to check in and acknowledge the spaciousness, expansiveness, silence and surrender that live within our own minds and bodies.

I’ve been listening to some wonderful guided meditations by Jeddah Mali. In one of these she invites us to notice the lightness that is here now. Thinking of the snow automatically (for me) brings that sense of lightness. Noticing the movement of my breath also helps me feel that lightness & expansiveness as physical sensation.

Sometimes when you’re struggling with day-to-day living, it is hard to imagine that there could be any relief because you’re focused on the struggle. But right here in your breath and in your body is the possibility of relief. It only takes a momentary shift of focus.

Notice how you feel now, notice body, breath and mind. What image brings a sense of lightness, expansiveness or ease for you? Perhaps something from Nature? Pick any image that resonates with you and notice how your body and breath might change as you hold that image in your mind. As you go about your day-to-day activities, you might want to check in with this feeling again and again.

May you experience lightness and ease of wellbeing this holiday season.

The peace that is always here…

So the holidays are here and maybe the stress is starting to settle in a little deeper. For me there is the hustle and bustle of the gift-buying and preparations and the general collective stress that sets in, there is the excitement and anticipation of the kids hoping for wonderful presents, the holiday lights and the darkness of winter and Nature’s stillness that underlies all of this activity. All this is available right now in this minute – all at the same time. So, since I get to choose where I place my focus, I choose to place it on the peace – the stillness and silence – and sometimes I’ll chose to focus on the excitement and anticipation.

Even though I’ve had a sense of this underlying peacefulness, to focus on it is a big departure for me this year. Usually I just get stressed worrying about travel plans, what to get for whom, whether the receivers of gifts would like their gifts, and on and on. This year, everybody gets tie-dye (my kids’ idea) and the kids and I are excited to get started on this make-at-home project. They’re already picking out which designs for whom and which colors. It’s fun. Hopefully people will appreciate their gifts, and the love with which they were made and offered. But none of us can control what others think or feel. All we can really control is that we do our best to love, we place our focus on what nurtures us and those around us, and we give ourselves a break, every so often, to check in with the peace that is always here.

Not sure how to check in? Try this: Notice that you have a body, and that your body is breathing. Begin to follow the flow of your breath. Notice that each time you inhale and exhale, the breath comes from stillness and goes back to stillness. You may also feel that it arises from silence and goes back to silence. Just notice the rising and falling of the breath, from stillness and back to stillness, from silence and back to silence. Now instead of focusing on the breath, focus on the stillness, or the silence. You might begin to feel that it is always there, and that your body begins to feel more peaceful as you focus your attention on the stillness or the silence – the peace that is always here. Doesn’t take long to check in, but it feels pretty good, and you can even do it in line at the mall!

Happy holidays!