nervous system regulation Archives - Francine Kelley, LCPC, SEP, RYT500

When it feels like the threat is everywhere

In a conversation with my mother-in-law this evening we laughed about how sometimes it feels like you can't even safely go into the backyard (for those who have a backyard). It's like the mind subconsciously views the entire "outside" as potentially dangerous.

We laughed about it because her "backyard" is about a quarter acre, with people nowhere nearby. It was evident that her fear was perceived and not actual. And yet I can relate, and I think so many of us can. I remember at the start of the pandemic recognizing that fear of "outside" - as if the air itself was poisoned with the virus. And I had to remind myself that it wasn't. Still sometimes I find that unconscious fear resurfacing when I'm outside or in my nearby park, even when there is nobody around.

It's the job of the brain to keep the body alive. Not happy. Alive. And so it looks for danger around every corner. And when the threat is microscopic, it seems the mind searches for it everywhere. We have to get clear on where the threat is actual, and where it is perceived and sometimes those lines are blurry. But living in a constant state of threat response isn't sustainable. It can damage our health and leave us even more susceptible to the very threat we are trying to avoid.

Of course also be careful and aware. Wear a mask, use hand sanitizer, wash your hands, keep physical distance. But also look for moments of safety, and opportunities to settle where you can, even if they're fleeting.

After you wash your hands for 20 seconds, take a moment to feel the cleanliness of your hands. If your home is a safe place to be, pay attention to that and notice how your body responds to that acknowledgment - what is the experience of safety? If you're healthy right now, notice & allow that to be true. Feel your good health in your breath and your vitality.

Moments of risk and moments of safety are likely all happening in the same day. Your mind is going to be orienting toward threat, it's up to you to notice when you're safe too.

The Trauma Brain Project

I recently had the honor of being on a panel of body-centered therapists following the reading of a play by Dayle Ann Hunt titled The Trauma Brain Project.

This play is powerful, moving, intense. It is the story of a woman’s journey to heal from the repressed memories of early childhood sexual abuse. Dayle takes us on this journey of her own life experience as someone who was diagnosed with Epilepsy as a child, who was also experiencing paralyzing migraines, unexplained nausea, psoriasis, sinus growths and a string of inexplicable conditions that followed her throughout her life; all of which led her (in her 50s) to shadowed memories of what had happened and to eventual healing with somatic therapy.

The cast is amazing. The direction is expert. We the audience were riveted for the duration of the piece.

This play is a must-see for anyone who works with diagnosing illness. Dayle Ann is passionate about medical professionals, therapists, and trauma survivors knowing that their symptoms may be trauma-related. The body and mind do actually influence each other.

If you’re interested in this topic and have any ideas on how this play can be more widely disseminated, please contact D
ayle Ann at www.thetraumabrainproject.com

After the play I led the audience through a few basic exercises to help with regulation since watching anything traumatic can have an impact on our bodies. And it struck home to me again tonight that we are being inundated daily with news of traumatic events. This doesn’t mean we are all traumatized by this, but we are more than likely affected. So I thought I’d quickly share one of the techniques that I shared with the audience in the hopes that you might be able to use it in your day-to-day. It’s called 3-2-1

Look around and notice and briefly describe (e.g. “orange mouse pad”) three (3) things you see
Now listen and name two (2) sounds you hear
And now notice one (1) thing you’re feeling with your sense of touch.

How are you feeling now? You can repeat that sequence one more time if you’re feeling a little more focused or settled than you were before you started.

Namaste.

Loving Your Anxiety

Love Your Anxiety (Or at least get to know it)

I know it sounds crazy to even imagine “loving” your anxiety. But one of the fundamental truths about being human is that we have emotions, including anxiety. What makes us human is that we also have the ability to make meaning of our experiences and that meaning-making is what turns a simple emotion into a recipe for disaster.

Anxiety is fear of a future negative outcome. Stress has to do with not wanting to be in the present that you find yourself in. We imagine that outcome over a range from slight discomfort to a major catastrophe.

Some amount of sympathetic nervous system activation (which causes stress and anxiety) is needed to keep us cautious and therefore keep us safe. But the anxious state is meant to be a short-term, action-inducing state. So when anxiety runs amok, our bodies suffer. There’s a fascinating book called “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers” that describes all the different body systems that are affected when stress hormones predominate in the body.

Stress and anxiety happen in the mind and the body. The mind has a random thought that we believe, and the body reacts with tension and often uncomfortable sensations in the gut or the chest. Tightness in the body often restricts breathing as well which can lead to a hold host of other sensations. All this discomfort creates a state of mind that is geared toward getting away from the discomfort at all costs, leading to smoking, drinking, overeating, yelling at your loved ones, etc. Too much anxiety can even lead to a crash, which then feels like depression.

So what’s the solution? Love your anxiety (ok, I know that’s not going to happen!). At the

very least, though, to change and anxious state we need to acknowledge and accept that it is happening. Anxiety is part of our self-protective capacity. It is an indicator of something that needs attention. It is a call to action.

What’s your anxious feeling telling you? Maybe it’s telling you you’re overworked and need a break? Maybe it’s telling you that you don’t feel safe or fulfilled in your current relationship or career? Or maybe it is telling you that you have some work to do on your self-confidence or ability to set boundaries? In order to figure out what it is telling us, we need to pause and listen while recognizing that the emotions don’t have to control us, we do have a choice about how to feel.

Some simple ways to work with an anxious mood in the moment:

Allow it to be without judging it as “bad” or “wrong” or somehow a sign of your failure. The extra layer of “shoulding” just makes the anxiety worse.
Be curious about what triggered the anxious state.
Give your anxiety something to do. Anxiety often shows up in the body as a jittery feeling. This is excess energy in need of direction. So dance, shake, shimmy, walk, run, do some vigorous yoga. Get the energy out and then try to do something a bit more quieting.
Notice the anxiety as body tension and let go of tension in the muscles. Tight shoulders? Let them drop. Tight jaw? Let it drop.
Uncomfortable sensation in the belly? That might be just the result of the abdominal muscles tensing. You might take over the tension (tighten your ab muscles) and then stop tensing, allowing the muscles to let go.
We humans seem to have a natural tendency to catastrophize. Maybe instead of catastrophising, ask yourself: “OK, it feels like everything could go wrong, and is there any way this could go right?”
Pay attention to your exhales, even making them longer. Exhaling lowers your heartrate, which gets elevated during stress.
Ask for help. Social interaction with a safe, supportive other is one of the ways that we humans calm down.
Stay away from coffee – yep, coffee drinkers have been shown to have random spikes in their anxiety during the day.
Look around your environment, recognizing that you’re physically safe and that there aren’t any threats in your immediate vicinity. You might notice and name 3 objects that you see, 2 sounds you hear, and one thing you feel with your sense of touch. or you might count all the objects you see of a certain color or shape. Anything that breaks up the circular or negative thought pattern that is making you anxious.

Of course there are many other ways to deal with anxiety, including lifestyle habits of getting enough sleep and exercise. Do you have a favorite? Share it with us!

Like falling snow…

I was watching the snow falling last week and was struck by its silence and gentleness. I remembered having the same impression watching a snow storm in New York in 1996 that practically shut the city down. Last week I was struck again by how this gently falling snow, so silent and light, could have such huge effects and how force is often not necessary to make a big change. In fact, as humans we often use much more force than is necessary, since we’ve come to believe that strenuous effort, even struggle, is necessary to get results.

As I watched the snow last week, I also recognized the effect of the falling snow on my body and my psyche. There is a spacious, expansive quality to falling snow – the snowflakes suspended in the air as they gently float to the ground. There is freedom in their surrender, and as I watched I could feel expansiveness, silence, and a sense of surrender. Something inside me settled and I felt lighter and more at ease.

Nature reflects the qualities that also exist in us – since we are Nature as well. As Nature hibernates and moves into low gear, might we also be encouraged to find time for stillness and quiet? Like the quality of the falling snow, perhaps we might take time to check in and acknowledge the spaciousness, expansiveness, silence and surrender that live within our own minds and bodies.

I’ve been listening to some wonderful guided meditations by Jeddah Mali. In one of these she invites us to notice the lightness that is here now. Thinking of the snow automatically (for me) brings that sense of lightness. Noticing the movement of my breath also helps me feel that lightness & expansiveness as physical sensation.

Sometimes when you’re struggling with day-to-day living, it is hard to imagine that there could be any relief because you’re focused on the struggle. But right here in your breath and in your body is the possibility of relief. It only takes a momentary shift of focus.

Notice how you feel now, notice body, breath and mind. What image brings a sense of lightness, expansiveness or ease for you? Perhaps something from Nature? Pick any image that resonates with you and notice how your body and breath might change as you hold that image in your mind. As you go about your day-to-day activities, you might want to check in with this feeling again and again.

May you experience lightness and ease of wellbeing this holiday season.